Cornelis van Spaendonck (1789)
Ryan Gosling won’t eat his cereal
I hope my friend sees this! I know she’s been stressed out :o
i wish i could strut like this chap
I just want to start off by clarifying that this is just me trying to express my thoughts. I do not ask for pity or empathy.
I have not been happy, I would not consider myself depressed, but it has been a long while since I actually felt happy. It was quite difficult for me to let go and accept a break-up that happened a year ago. We were so close and knew each other so well. I tried to date or find interest in others, but ended up letting them down. And I began to feel really bad about myself.
I started a whole new year of high school where I would take three advanced placement classes, classes I never took before. To add to that, I had no off-periods. I drowned in stress and anxiety; I still do.
My friends were changing. Neither good or bad. Just change. They became interested in things that simply bore me. Maybe it has always bored me and I am just realizing now. Either way, I do not feel like I can truly depend on any of them.
Then, of course, my 30-year old brother comes home from jail. He is a pathetic, disrespectful fool. But that is all I really feel like saying about him.
Now and then it hits me and I remind myself that I am alone. Nobody talks to me outside of school. My phone is absolutely useless. And it is because of that schism between my friends and I. They are all engulfed in things that I cannot involve myself or will not. I hate to blame myself, but it is my fault. I do not drink or smoke. I do not eat this crazy, healthy diet, I do not care for video games or anything like that. It really blows that I cannot relate to my friends anymore. Not even a little.
I heard of some saying that went like, “If you really love something, let it go. If it truly loves you, it’ll come back to you.” But I have given my friends too much space that they do not need me anymore. At least it does not seem like they do. And I am not entirely sure what to do with myself now. I can’t talk to them. Our friendships are too distal for me to go in depth with my problems with them. how could they understand? They have been in their own worlds. I have practically become an acquaintance.
Am I being dumb? Really? Because I bet they don’t know half the things that are going on in my home, even my life. Maybe I am being irrational. But tell me why none of them likes to talk to me anymore. Just tell me. I would love to know. Because I feel like the only thing I can do right now is hope new people want to be my friend. That these people will want to get to know me and care for me. I do. I care so much for my friends. I guess I care too much.
Little bit smokey this morn’
Untitled / alex bowler
Dettifoss waterfall (by bm_photo)